Lost in my too busy life

How time has flown by. I can’t find my balance in this too busy and hectic schedule I am trying to follow. More like getting swept away in the rushing rapids of an angry river. How do I get myself into these situations. 

We have no internet at home right now. Havn’t for three months and not likely to have it again for another two. Internet or Christmas presents? internet or heat in my house? It is not such a hard choice. 

My EMT-Basic class is going well. Only two and half more weeks. I am carrying an 88.3 average. Not too bad but then again I have always been good at book work its the hands on stuff that worries me. Puting it all together. But I feel like the Lord has sent me in this direction. To give back, to help out to be where I am needed, to help others. If this is His will I have no doubt He will see me through it. 

Work is another story. Work itself is going alright. I can do the job just fine. I am doing different things I am more of a jack of all trades at work. I work at a Graphic Design and Commercial Printing place. I do it all. Not all of it but some of everthing. I am not perfect lol I am far from it and yesterday I almost crashed the central computer. That woudl have been bad.

 

We as a family our having a hard time finding a balance. I can not tell the last time I actually cooked a home cooked meal. Not sure chicken and rice cooked at 1 in teh morning counts. Was good though. My freezer is stocked with microwave meals, my cabinets have instant meals, chef boy r dee and soups. We have sandwich and cereal stuff. The kids are eating, I am not starving them but still its not like it was where they got at least four good square meals a week with three lazy meals. you know? On class nights I don’t get to see them at all except for the hour before school. Its hard. When I am home it is wierd I am restless and cant sit still I am used to going, they are used to being on their own, I have become obsolete. In trying to help my family, trying to get us back on our feet, trying not to go nuts alone everyday while they are in school. I have become …. an absentee parent.

Someone has ben skipping school, homework is not getting done, house is a wreck, My Jacob is changing into a different child and my older two. they think they are grown and don’t need me anymore. Are they wrong? Doesn’t feel like it sitting here in my seat.

We have our god days and our bad. Today is good. Its saturday I had EMT class. Everyone came with me. We practice loading and unloading the Ambulance, I got to drive. Jacob and Christopher played hide and seek, Caitlin played a car wreck victim. Mike helped out as well. I find myself living for the weekends… Everything is getting pushed out of center and I am trying to find a balance. For you parents who work, I understand the struggle, the guilt and also the necessity of your having to work, maybe we would all choose to be home if we could. I would choose to work only when they were in school and be home when they were if I had such a choice but for now. well Friends pray for me and my family. I have a strong faith and a good support system in my family. I know we will see it through to  a balance in our life its just hte getting there is taking longer than I would like.